Someone once said "When I can't track God, I can still trust Him."
This is a statement that in the light of day I join the masses and lift my hands and give a hearty "AMEN" like all good Christians should do. But if I am honest, it's in the darkness of night when the answers won't come, there is no reason for the hopelessness and no sense to be made of the waiting and confusion that so often comes when we are surrounded by circumstances that life in general can bring.
The issue can be traced back to the selfish demand of fallen man’s human nature that wants to be in absolute control. The idea is that if I was in control I could handle all that comes my way with such grace and a mogul like wisdom that everything would be smooth sailing and I would never have to face uncertainty or have unanswered questions. After all, I am so smart and my track record is stellar right? To quote my son “Pffffffft! Whatever!”
Recently, I have been in a holding pattern. I have been waiting on God to answer some questions and provide in a way that I readily admit, only He can. But as I said, the issue is the waiting. I was sitting here praying and thinking about all the things I needed God to do and how quickly I needed Him to do them. I said to God “I just need you to remind me! Just show me that you are working! If now isn’t the time and waiting is what I have to do, then just show me some sign so that I know you are indeed working on my behalf.”
A teacher in high school once told me that there is no such thing as a stupid question. Tonight it seemed that the Holy Spirit disagreed. God began to show me some things that made me feel pretty stupid. I began to see exactly how He is working and had one of those embarrassing “duh” moments. Those are bad enough with every day people, but with God they just remind you how small and feeble we really are.
My mind raced back over the last five years of my life and all that God has done. I saw my marriage restored, my ministry restored and the work that God alone could do to make it all possible. I was reminded of the feeling of being put on the shelf. I remembered the emptiness of having my integrity destroyed and having no one to turn to because no one could trust me. My heart ached as I recalled the brokenness I caused those I loved and the moment of brokenness when I had to be whipped. I thought of how far I had to run and the damage the journey caused.
He took me back to the moment when my wife said she forgave me. I relived the first time I worshiped with my family after all that we had been through. My heart was stirred as I was filled with the same nervous excitement I had when I stood and preached for the first time in almost four years.
Memory after memory flooded my heart and mind and I soon found myself standing at the edge of shouting ground. Then He began to show me what He is doing now. I began to trace His hand providentially leading me to where I am today. He showed me a new open door into ministry. He showed me the faces of the young people I am blessed to minister to week after week. I saw my role in the Body of Christ today. I saw opportunities and relationships that are being developed with families and unreached young people.
I felt my hear swell and break at the same time as the burden for the youth of
He showed me the men and women who are now sharing in this burden and ministry with us. I saw how those relationships were divinely ordained and how providence and nothing short of a work of the God of the Universe had brought us together.
He then pointed out that the vision that I now have for this time and for this ministry was given by Him and would be accomplished by Him and that in His amazingly gracious will I was a part of it.
By now, I am pacing around the house Shou-spering (that is a shout whisper) trying not to wake my family or the neighbors. That is when it really hit me. While I am waiting on ________(fill in the blank______ and I may not see what He is doing and how He is perfecting things on this specific front, His hand is more at work now than it has ever been in my life. I was distracted by my impatience and selfish blindness and refused to see all of the other amazing and merciful things He has done and is continuing to do.
Maybe you are waiting.
Maybe you feel as if God is not working for you in your situation.
Just look back. Let the Holy Spirit open your eyes and remind you of where you have been and how God has never let you down before. Pray that your eyes will be opened to see that even now, yes even in this circumstance, God is working all around you.
It may be that friend you were able to encourage. That need you were able to meet. That test you never dreamed you would pass. That relationship you never thought would be healed. That habit you were sure you would never kick. It could be in that child you thought would never make it. It may be in your job you hate but others would love to have. It might be that family member who stepped in to help despite your pride fighting the effort. Maybe it’s the church service you almost missed but found help you needed for the moment.
Whatever it is, God is working all around you. Just look. Open the eyes of your heart and look. He has always been there. You may still be waiting on that one answer but there are a million more answers all around you that God has given just for you.
If I may amend the quote at the beginning of this blog:
“I can always track God. I can always trust God.”
Comments
Post a Comment