Marriage is a picture of the Gospel. Go back and read that again. One more time. If you are like me you've heard it more times than you can remember but I doubt you've considered the weightiness of that statement. Read it again now, but spelled out in a bit more detail: The union between a man and a woman in marriage is reflection and demonstration of God's message of salvation in Christ Jesus; the message of the Gospel (Ephesians 5:22-33, 1 Peter 3:1-7, and others).
The Apostle Paul called this a profound mystery (Eph. 5:32). In the Greek its megas (μέγας) mystērion (μυστήριον). The word translated megas means great or particularly large, or of great magnitude. This is where we get our word "mega". The word translated mystērion speaks of some sacred thing that is naturally unknown to human reason and is only known and understood by the means of divine revelation from God. Paul says that marriage is a picture of the Gospel. He says its a picture of Christ and His Bride; the church. His response to this revelation is astonished bewilderment and he makes sure we understand the profound picture that has been revealed in this union.
Today, my Beloved and I celebrate 20 years of marriage. Last year I had the privilege of speaking to an incredible group of singles in the Philippines about biblical relationships, how to honor God with your singleness, waiting on the Lord, and many other things. I was totally unqualified on every front. Honestly. Like a toddler planning a shuttle launch. I was open and honest with them about my absolute lack of qualifications and the deafening irony of me being the speaker at their conference.
I told them up-front that any fruit of Biblical relationship in my marriage was cultivated first by my wife. She was the one who took the lead on that front. I was the one working against any semblance of Biblical ethics or Christian character in our relationship. I was transparent that I never spent much time as what you might call "single" as a teenager. Ashleigh and I started dating my Junior year of High School and I had just broken up with a girl (and I use the term girl intentionally - that inside joke is in here for my wife. No, I am not being mean or degrading. I was, at the time being played. That's all I will say). I made no attempt to downplay my impatience with my life, my priorities, or even my plans. I told them: I am not an expert, nor do I have a participation trophy from my time spent waiting on the Lord. Ashleigh and I were married at 19 years old, right out of High School.
I was unable to tell them any secrets to successful relationships. I had no tips for being a good friend, who became a good mate. In fact, I told them in the beginning that all I had was the Gospel. All I could offer them was the Words of our God. I told them if there was lasting longevity in my marriage and relationship with Ashleigh, and if there was a key to that longevity, it was the Gospel. I told them what I have told countless people over the years. I told them that I have learned more about the Gospel from my wife than anyone else.
It is incredible to consider. His sovereign hand working in every moment of life, at specific times to accomplish such profound works. I don't know where I would be today had I not gotten married on September 2, 2000. But I know that the path I was on was leading to destruction. I know that there was no desire to change my course at all. But in sending this quiet, contrary, choir-nerd my way would be just one of the millions of ways God would sovereignly "lead me in paths of righteousness for His namesake."
HERE IN LIES THE PROFOUND MYSTERY...
Let's not get it twisted. My wife is not perfect. That is absolutely all I will say about that. I am not smart, but I am not stupid. We are both fallen. We both have issues. We are both products of our raising and we both have baggage. Granted, her baggage is more like a Gucci overnight bag and my baggage is more like Lockheed C-5 Galaxy transport aircraft filled with U.S. Army issued duffle bags.
Two fallen people come together with all of their baggage, all of their issues, all of their faults, and all of their sins, and covenant together. They promise to love each other selflessly, to serve each other willingly, forgive each other continually, bear each other's burdens tirelessly, and in all manners sacrificially live for the other person. Quick reminder, these are two fallen, depraved people who have made these vows. All too often, the reality of our fallenness takes root and the weight of the vows in the balance is too much. All the beauty and luster rubs off in the dim light of a dirty bathroom mirror, and effort is replaced by comfortability and complacency.
For us, it was lop-sided early on. For years she was faithful when I was faithless. She was good when there was no good in me. She was the truth when my life was filled with hypocrisy and lies. When the coin dropped and all of it was brought into the light, it was nearly too much for even her to handle. I watched as the strongest, most faithful, most loving woman I have ever known, was finally ready to walk away. God was drawing me back to Himself and I knew that repentance would be a long road. I also knew it was the only road.
I began to embrace the reality that if God in His mercy would restore me to Himself, forgive me and heal me, it was more than I could ever imagine, and beyond what I ever deserved. For the first time, I was embracing the truth of Scripture that my good and gracious Father would do that willingly without any strings attached. I could be restored in Christ to God. I had also begun to understand that while there was no condemnation in Christ, that my sin still had consequences. Ashleigh would be justified, as would God Himself, if I was restored in relation to my Savior, but not in relation to my wife. The years of empty apologies and broken promises were only part of the story. Regardless of the outcome, restoration to God and repentance were the path.
I had also begun to understand that while there was no condemnation in Christ, that my sin still had consequences. Ashleigh would be justified, as would God Himself, if I was restored in relation to my Savior, but not in relation to my wife.
THE MYSTERY REVEALED...
Two fallen people come together with all of their baggage, all of their issues, all of their faults, and all of their sins, and covenant together. After years of failures, years of abuse, years of scars, and pain; the two fallen people come together and covenant together again every single day. They unite under the waves of mercy and grace poured out in Christ Jesus. Condemnation is replaced by forgiveness and the record of wrongs is blotted out by sacrificial love and supernatural healing. There is no explanation for how it happens. Human understanding falls short of comprehending what it takes to forgive like that, to love so deeply, to forget so much, and simply embrace restoration. How can it be?
The Apostle Paul would say it like this in 2 Corinthians 5:14-21:
"For the love of Christ controls and compels us, because we have concluded this, that One died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, so that all those who live would no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and was raised for their sake. So from now on we regard no one from a human point of view [according to worldly standards and values]. Though we have known Christ from a human point of view, now we no longer know Him in this way. Therefore if anyone is in Christ [that is, grafted in, joined to Him by faith in Him as Savior], he is a new creature [reborn and renewed by the Holy Spirit]; the old things [the previous moral and spiritual condition] have passed away. Behold, new things have come [because spiritual awakening brings a new life]. But all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ [making us acceptable to Him] and gave us the ministry of reconciliation [so that by our example we might bring others to Him], that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting people’s sins against them [but canceling them]. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation [that is, restoration with God]."
Charles Wesley would say it like this:
And can it be that I should gain
An int’rest in the Savior’s blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quick’ning ray
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in Him, is mine;
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach the eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
It is profound. Two people like us are brought together and shown such grace and mercy so that we can demonstrate it to the world. 20 years is both a long time and barely a moment. But every day has a testimony of the sovereign grace of God that works to show His goodness and mercy that "follow me all the days of my life."
Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." I can verify that this is a true and faithful saying. My Beloved is a good thing who has shown me what it is to find favor with the Lord. The word favor (רָצוֹן) means acceptance, delight, or pleasure. Just as it is in the Gospel, we are made acceptable in Christ, and find our delight and pleasure in Him alone. As much as I have learned these truths from the authority of Scripture by the Spirit's help, they have been demonstrated by my wife; the good thing, of 20 years. All glory to Christ.
Love you, babe. You truly are a good thing.
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