Handfuls of Doxology

As a new year dawns I find myself in that very familiar place of looking back and looking forward in the same motion.  I'm still writing the wrong year on everything and I am still remembering things I needed to get done that didn't quite make the checklist.  I'm making plans for days that haven't come and starting to analyze things that may not even happen. I find myself filled with resolve mingled with regret.  It's the process of leaving one year behind and diving into the next. But this new year seems different somehow.  It sounds strange but looking back I can remember feeling anxiety over the unknown that is to come.  I didn't think much about it then, but it was part of the process.  It seemed almost second nature to walk forward with hesitant steps.  There was hope and a brightness to the future but it all seemed to be throttled by the unknown.  It felt like turning a corner with your head first in stead of your feet, always checking the...

Someone once said "When I can't track God, I can still trust Him."   This is a statement that in the light of day I join the masses and lift my hands and give a hearty "AMEN" like all good Christians should do. But if I am honest, it's in the darkness of night when the answers won't come, there is no reason for the hopelessness and no sense to be made of the waiting and confusion that so often comes when we are surrounded by circumstances that life in general can bring.   The issue can be traced back to the selfish demand of fallen man’s human nature that wants to be in absolute control.   The idea is that if I was in control I could handle all that comes my way with such grace and a mogul like wisdom that everything would be smooth sailing and I would never have to face uncertainty or have unanswered questions.   After all, I am so smart and my track record is stellar right? To quote my son “Pffffffft!   Whatever!”   Recently,...

This year I will be thirty-one years old. Thirty-one years is not a long time, especially now that I am turning thirty-one. I remember a time when it seemed a lot older than what it is today. But of the thirty-one years, my heart and mind are drawn mostly to the last three. The last three years have been the most challenging and rewarding years of my life. The past three years seem like ten, yet have flown by. I have seen more growth in my life in three years than the other twenty-eight combined. I have also experienced more defeat than in the other twenty-eight years combined, although the defeat was of a different nature. Let me explain. Three years ago, I was a completely different person. I was the type of person that motivational speeches warn you about becoming. I was the guy that everyone looked at and shook their head and said things like “What a wasted life.” I had gotten to a place where years of bad decisions and selfish motivations had culminated into an explo...

I just got home from doing some work at our church.   Each Saturday night we have to do some things to get ready for the early worship service.   But tonight was especially chaotic, as most of the last few weekends this time of year have been.   With Sunday School Christmas parties and so many other things going on, we have basically just been dodging each other to make sure that everything is done and nobody gets hurt!   With the exception of Trevor tripping in the parking lot and falling sternum first onto a concrete parking stop, I think we have done alright.   (He seems to be ok, by the way.) Tonight, there was a Christmas party in the fellowship hall and children’s play practice in the auditorium.   I, because of my many talents, well mainly because I showed up, was asked to help with the production by running the sound and the lights for the play.   So I got a script, made my notes and marked my cues and tried to keep up.   You know h...

“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His Holy Name!” -I will praise Him.  My entire heart praises Him!  Every thing I have, every thing I am, every thing I will ever be, Praise Him!  He is a whole other level of Holy!   “Forget not all of His benefits” -He has done so much.  I can’t name them all, but I will never forget a single one of them.  He has chiseled His blessings on the heart He turned from stone to flesh.   “Who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases.” -All of the blackness and wickedness is so far gone, it is as if it never existed.  The sickness that had condemned me to die has been cut out like a cancer and nothing but health and life remain.   “Who redeems your life from the pit” -I have been rescued from the hand of God.  My entrapment has been filled with a solid foundation and I have been rerouted from my path of destruction.   “Who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy.” -My life was once defined b...

Tonight I find myself in a familiar place, with the opportunity to pause and clear my head by getting some of these cluttered ramblings out and share them with whoever, in hopes that somebody might find some help in what I have been blessed to have settled in my heart. The last three years have culminated into the last three months for my family. How? Glad you asked. In the last three years I was brought from a self righteous high horse of hidden sin and inner emptiness to the brink of loosing everything. The brink was not without it's tangible losses though. I lost my ministry, my integrity, many friends, a lot of time and some things that I can never get back. But through that I found a new side of the very nature of God that I would have otherwise never known. Through brokenness and real deal repentance I experienced the depth of His grace through forgiveness and restoration beyond salvation. I saw how far God goes to both chasten and bring back one of His own. I was forced ...

Everyone has them and everyone gives them. Labels are a funny.   Not funny “ha ha” but funny as in they make no sense for the most part.   Some folks obtain labels because they have earned them through a series of bad choices or natural characteristics that just seem to merit them.   Other labels are just given because man is by nature a creature who enjoys giving them out. Let me see if I can give an example using my own life. Example #1: “Tracy?   You mean the dude who almost screwed up his entire life? Tracy, the screw up.”   Van Gogh went through a dark period that helped define him as an artist.   I went through an Idiot period that helped define a large portion of my life.   I made terrible and selfish choices and now there are those, who when they think of me, are reminded of my many faults and ultimate failures.   I did something to merit that label. Example #2: “Tracy? You mean the fat sweaty guy?”   I have what doctors call a sligh...