Tonight I find myself in a familiar place, with the opportunity to pause and clear my head by getting some of these cluttered ramblings out and share them with whoever, in hopes that somebody might find some help in what I have been blessed to have settled in my heart.
The last three years have culminated into the last three months for my family. How? Glad you asked.
In the last three years I was brought from a self righteous high horse of hidden sin and inner emptiness to the brink of loosing everything. The brink was not without it's tangible losses though. I lost my ministry, my integrity, many friends, a lot of time and some things that I can never get back. But through that I found a new side of the very nature of God that I would have otherwise never known. Through brokenness and real deal repentance I experienced the depth of His grace through forgiveness and restoration beyond salvation. I saw how far God goes to both chasten and bring back one of His own. I was forced to question my beliefs, policies, ideas, ideals and even my own understanding of what a "Christian" and "Disciple" really is and does.
Through my foolishness and restoration I have learned allot. I saw God restore my home, my integrity in my home (priceless by the way), relationships, work ethic, finances, the love and appreciation for Gods Church and His people and so many other things. I am eternally broken over the guilt and regret of my past and eternally grateful for what it taught me and the scars that remind me. That was the last three years in the most adequate nut shell I can fit it in, in a blog.
The last three months has kind of been like finishing the puzzle. Ashleigh and I have been praying about direction for our family as far as where we were to be and what to do when we got there. We knew that God was moving us toward Dade county but weren't sure how or when. We attend church there, in December I accepted an office there through work and my kids love it there. Sounds like I simple choice huh? "Pack up and move Abraham and stop asking questions!" you say. Well, it ain't that simple. Why? Glad you asked. Our credit is awful, our budget is tied up in catching up while maintaining the always growing list of jacked up vehicles, sick and injured children, the school they attend, the age of the kids and the transferring hinderances thereof and the resounding truth that God said "Not yet, I got a few more lessons for you.". Seriously? Ok Lord.
So we began to pray and seek the Lord for all these things. I could go into detail but that is not what I want to share, so allow me to summarize.
We wanted out of the apartment but there was no way, we find the perfect house and perfect situation but can't get the Lord to allow the other party to ever give us an answer, God opens another door that would be like third choice for us but teaches us that it is the best opportunity possible and as of yesterday gave us a beautiful home and we are paying less, my kids are pumped, we are grateful and relieved and by June first if not sooner we will be residents of Dade county. Shew!
Now the lesson learned in all of this. If I am a restored, changed, New Testament follower of the Man I believe to be the Only Son of God, Jesus Christ, then there should be some distinct characteristics in my life. Loving people, being faithful and other obvious trademarks aside I am to be different in other ways. Here is what I have learned and I am learning.
1. I Am To Live In Response To Him: If believe the claims of Christ and believe that what He did while on this earth changed not only the course of history but the very course of human existence, there should be a response to that.
I have heard it said "Jesus was either a lunatic, a heretic or the Son of God" and I choose to believe He was the son of God. Therefore I believe that he was virgin-born, sinless, all God and all man, perfect substitute and sacrifice, crucified to cleanse and pardon sins, buried and raised to life on the third day, ascended back to the Father, giver of the Holy Ghost of God as our comforter, guide and the revealed truth of God in us to intercede and instruct us, and to seal us till the day He will return for me. Wow, what a belief. It seems like the kind of belief that transforms a person and demands a response in their life. It should. If I am that Christian that I claim to be then every choice, every action, every reaction, every marital, parental, financial decision all the way to deciding what to eat and drink (yes I went there) is to be governed by no other factor apart from the reaction to WHO HE IS. If my life is anything less then I am the lunatic and heretic.
2. My Reaction Will Cause Kingdom Minded Choices: If I am that person and I am living in response to the person of Jesus Christ then my response is a mind and life concerned with nothing more and nothing less than "Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done."
This is the hard part of the response. This is what separates the men from the boys, as it were. Or if I can put it a little harsher "the disciples and the empty-hearted hypocrites and mindless posers." Is that out of line? I think of a message I heard years ago entitled "Nobody Likes a Disciple." The thought was if we ever took what Jesus said seriously we would lose the appeal to a lot of people and for sure the world. Think about it. If I offered you a job and said "The benefits are amazing but you won't receive all of them now. The job will require you to execute your wants, desires and very nature every second while you're on the clock. You must forget about everything you know that don't concern work. You must love the job and your boss so much that your love for your husband, wife, family, children and even your own life, looks like hate. You will be despised, rejected and pretty much cast down from the world around you and anyone that doesn't work here and I can't guarantee you that you even survive this life because it may require your very life if you take the job." How many of you would sign that offer letter? "That's too far fat man!" really? Was it not your Lord that said "if any man wishes to follow me let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me... If any man wishes to follow me and hate not his father, mother, brethren, spouse, children and even his own life he is not worthy to be called my disciple... They hate me so they will hate you." These are not easy words to accept when you hear them for what they are. But if I am living in reaction to Him, this is the demand on my life.
My focus is to be that of a disciple, a follower. The name "Christian" literally means "little Christ" "in the likeness of Christ" or Christ-like". What a claim! We throw the term around but if you say you're a Christian but can't be seen as His likeness or his "mini-me"' as it were, then you are a hypocrite. This was hard to swallow for me! I hope it tastes better on your pallet. If I am living in reaction to Him and I have a Kingdom Focus then every step I take and every decision I make is all about His Kingdom. I love my wife and kids because He called me to it and it will further the Kingdom in their lives. I work to supply their needs only and my surplus is given as a WHOLE to further the kingdom (that supplies their need after I have given my commanded tithe out of my GROSS.) I live a holy life not because legalism demands it but because anything else harms, not furthers the kingdom. My time is spent on nothing that is not a direct command of Christ Jesus because anything else is not beneficial to the kingdom. When I speak, if the conversation doesn't benefit the kingdom then I must be silent. When I go, if where I go doesn't benefit the kingdom I must stop and turn around. Do you get the picture? Does this seem radicle? It is. By the way, the claims of Christ have always been seen as radicle. Most people read this and see a miserable, boring, poor and needy existence. But I am learning that there is more joy in Kingdom Focus than any other way. It is easier to love the unlovable, do the impossible, reach the unreachable and find peace in the most adverse situation when I am focused only on the Kingdom. As Dr. Larry Brown always said, "I have more fun asleep then most people do awake."
3. My Renewed Response and Focus Will Answer Every Other Question: If I believe He is who He said He was and believe that His promises are true then living Kingdom Minded is all there is left. Everything else just details.
As the Lord has been dealing with me I have found a lot of situations where I have found myself saying to God "you will have to work a miracle because there is just no way to _______." fill in the blank. I have also learned when the Lord tells you that something needs to be changed and you're not serious about obedience don't say such a stupid statement to God. He started speaking to Ashleigh and I about our finances and our giving. So we made cutbacks and still the budget was tight. I mean we are about to move from an apartment to a house "when" we find one, the budget will go up not down. So it was "Lord, there is no more money for the Kingdom here. You will have to work a miracle." here is what I mean about keeping your mouth shut if you ain't serious. We were waiting for an option to buy a house in Trenton. The total cost was a miracle for the size, location, and market value. Glory to God He has provided in an amazing way! But the seller kept delaying or getting delayed and nothing was happening. So God starts speaking about our money. "God, There is none left! We would have to be able to move and SAVE money to give above what we are." Well, through a chain of events and some good people in our lives God hooked us up with maybe the last of the real "Sweet Little Old Country Ladies." Before you start defending your cornbread cooking granny, let me explain. Without giving numbers, when rented this two-bedroom apartment, it was cheaper than most efficiency rooms and way cheaper than most apartments in Chattanooga. She is renting a 3 bedroom house on almost 3 acres with outside storage buildings, hardwood floors throughout and many other perks for $50.00 less a month than what we pay here. And the deposit is $100 less than the month's rent. So if your granny has a better offer, give her my number.
It has been time after time in our recent past that God has intervened in ways like this. He has proven Himself time and time again despite the fact he has nothing to prove. He has answered the questions of our heart and mind. Most of all He has answered the most frequently asked question, whether spoken or not, of those who follow Him. "Can we ever really follow Him with our whole heart and really ever resign all our cares and trust in Him?" the answer was written down before the foundation of the world, but in 2011 it has been settled once and for all with me. Yes. If we live surrendered to Him and focus wholly on His Kingdom then no other thought or concern should ever enter our mind. No other issues exist outside of a Kingdom focus. No need can't be met through Kingdom focus. None of life's questions are unanswered in Kingdom focus. Do troubles still exist? On every hand, yes. Do needs still overcome? All around us, yes. Do questions still cloud the mind? Around every corner, yes. The difference is in a REAL Kingdom focus, these issues are never our concern. When we truly focus on Him and His Kingdom we focus wholly on His ability and His Word that says He is the God of all _____ (fill in the blank.)
This is, as Paul called it, a "daily" process. It's tough to go from selfish human nature placed in a selfish depraved society to a selfless focus on His divine, inspired Word and Kingdom. Well, when you put it that way, I guess it shouldn't be that hard. But the truth is you and I ought to lift each other up daily and pray that our focus will be His Kingdom. Because if I understand His Scripture and the Commands from His lips to His people and in turn claim to believe those commands, then we ought to weep over the fact that the majority of us and our "churches" have never been further away from what it's really all about. I'll pray for you. Please, pray for me.
This was typed at 3:30am on my iPhone. So now that I have sufficient Carpal Tunnel, it's time for bed. I hope this helped someone. I know it did me. I just hope others learn it the easy way, not the foolish and sad way I had too.
Until He Comes, "Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will Be Done."
The last three years have culminated into the last three months for my family. How? Glad you asked.
In the last three years I was brought from a self righteous high horse of hidden sin and inner emptiness to the brink of loosing everything. The brink was not without it's tangible losses though. I lost my ministry, my integrity, many friends, a lot of time and some things that I can never get back. But through that I found a new side of the very nature of God that I would have otherwise never known. Through brokenness and real deal repentance I experienced the depth of His grace through forgiveness and restoration beyond salvation. I saw how far God goes to both chasten and bring back one of His own. I was forced to question my beliefs, policies, ideas, ideals and even my own understanding of what a "Christian" and "Disciple" really is and does.
Through my foolishness and restoration I have learned allot. I saw God restore my home, my integrity in my home (priceless by the way), relationships, work ethic, finances, the love and appreciation for Gods Church and His people and so many other things. I am eternally broken over the guilt and regret of my past and eternally grateful for what it taught me and the scars that remind me. That was the last three years in the most adequate nut shell I can fit it in, in a blog.
The last three months has kind of been like finishing the puzzle. Ashleigh and I have been praying about direction for our family as far as where we were to be and what to do when we got there. We knew that God was moving us toward Dade county but weren't sure how or when. We attend church there, in December I accepted an office there through work and my kids love it there. Sounds like I simple choice huh? "Pack up and move Abraham and stop asking questions!" you say. Well, it ain't that simple. Why? Glad you asked. Our credit is awful, our budget is tied up in catching up while maintaining the always growing list of jacked up vehicles, sick and injured children, the school they attend, the age of the kids and the transferring hinderances thereof and the resounding truth that God said "Not yet, I got a few more lessons for you.". Seriously? Ok Lord.
So we began to pray and seek the Lord for all these things. I could go into detail but that is not what I want to share, so allow me to summarize.
We wanted out of the apartment but there was no way, we find the perfect house and perfect situation but can't get the Lord to allow the other party to ever give us an answer, God opens another door that would be like third choice for us but teaches us that it is the best opportunity possible and as of yesterday gave us a beautiful home and we are paying less, my kids are pumped, we are grateful and relieved and by June first if not sooner we will be residents of Dade county. Shew!
Now the lesson learned in all of this. If I am a restored, changed, New Testament follower of the Man I believe to be the Only Son of God, Jesus Christ, then there should be some distinct characteristics in my life. Loving people, being faithful and other obvious trademarks aside I am to be different in other ways. Here is what I have learned and I am learning.
1. I Am To Live In Response To Him: If believe the claims of Christ and believe that what He did while on this earth changed not only the course of history but the very course of human existence, there should be a response to that.
I have heard it said "Jesus was either a lunatic, a heretic or the Son of God" and I choose to believe He was the son of God. Therefore I believe that he was virgin-born, sinless, all God and all man, perfect substitute and sacrifice, crucified to cleanse and pardon sins, buried and raised to life on the third day, ascended back to the Father, giver of the Holy Ghost of God as our comforter, guide and the revealed truth of God in us to intercede and instruct us, and to seal us till the day He will return for me. Wow, what a belief. It seems like the kind of belief that transforms a person and demands a response in their life. It should. If I am that Christian that I claim to be then every choice, every action, every reaction, every marital, parental, financial decision all the way to deciding what to eat and drink (yes I went there) is to be governed by no other factor apart from the reaction to WHO HE IS. If my life is anything less then I am the lunatic and heretic.
2. My Reaction Will Cause Kingdom Minded Choices: If I am that person and I am living in response to the person of Jesus Christ then my response is a mind and life concerned with nothing more and nothing less than "Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done."
This is the hard part of the response. This is what separates the men from the boys, as it were. Or if I can put it a little harsher "the disciples and the empty-hearted hypocrites and mindless posers." Is that out of line? I think of a message I heard years ago entitled "Nobody Likes a Disciple." The thought was if we ever took what Jesus said seriously we would lose the appeal to a lot of people and for sure the world. Think about it. If I offered you a job and said "The benefits are amazing but you won't receive all of them now. The job will require you to execute your wants, desires and very nature every second while you're on the clock. You must forget about everything you know that don't concern work. You must love the job and your boss so much that your love for your husband, wife, family, children and even your own life, looks like hate. You will be despised, rejected and pretty much cast down from the world around you and anyone that doesn't work here and I can't guarantee you that you even survive this life because it may require your very life if you take the job." How many of you would sign that offer letter? "That's too far fat man!" really? Was it not your Lord that said "if any man wishes to follow me let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me... If any man wishes to follow me and hate not his father, mother, brethren, spouse, children and even his own life he is not worthy to be called my disciple... They hate me so they will hate you." These are not easy words to accept when you hear them for what they are. But if I am living in reaction to Him, this is the demand on my life.
My focus is to be that of a disciple, a follower. The name "Christian" literally means "little Christ" "in the likeness of Christ" or Christ-like". What a claim! We throw the term around but if you say you're a Christian but can't be seen as His likeness or his "mini-me"' as it were, then you are a hypocrite. This was hard to swallow for me! I hope it tastes better on your pallet. If I am living in reaction to Him and I have a Kingdom Focus then every step I take and every decision I make is all about His Kingdom. I love my wife and kids because He called me to it and it will further the Kingdom in their lives. I work to supply their needs only and my surplus is given as a WHOLE to further the kingdom (that supplies their need after I have given my commanded tithe out of my GROSS.) I live a holy life not because legalism demands it but because anything else harms, not furthers the kingdom. My time is spent on nothing that is not a direct command of Christ Jesus because anything else is not beneficial to the kingdom. When I speak, if the conversation doesn't benefit the kingdom then I must be silent. When I go, if where I go doesn't benefit the kingdom I must stop and turn around. Do you get the picture? Does this seem radicle? It is. By the way, the claims of Christ have always been seen as radicle. Most people read this and see a miserable, boring, poor and needy existence. But I am learning that there is more joy in Kingdom Focus than any other way. It is easier to love the unlovable, do the impossible, reach the unreachable and find peace in the most adverse situation when I am focused only on the Kingdom. As Dr. Larry Brown always said, "I have more fun asleep then most people do awake."
3. My Renewed Response and Focus Will Answer Every Other Question: If I believe He is who He said He was and believe that His promises are true then living Kingdom Minded is all there is left. Everything else just details.
As the Lord has been dealing with me I have found a lot of situations where I have found myself saying to God "you will have to work a miracle because there is just no way to _______." fill in the blank. I have also learned when the Lord tells you that something needs to be changed and you're not serious about obedience don't say such a stupid statement to God. He started speaking to Ashleigh and I about our finances and our giving. So we made cutbacks and still the budget was tight. I mean we are about to move from an apartment to a house "when" we find one, the budget will go up not down. So it was "Lord, there is no more money for the Kingdom here. You will have to work a miracle." here is what I mean about keeping your mouth shut if you ain't serious. We were waiting for an option to buy a house in Trenton. The total cost was a miracle for the size, location, and market value. Glory to God He has provided in an amazing way! But the seller kept delaying or getting delayed and nothing was happening. So God starts speaking about our money. "God, There is none left! We would have to be able to move and SAVE money to give above what we are." Well, through a chain of events and some good people in our lives God hooked us up with maybe the last of the real "Sweet Little Old Country Ladies." Before you start defending your cornbread cooking granny, let me explain. Without giving numbers, when rented this two-bedroom apartment, it was cheaper than most efficiency rooms and way cheaper than most apartments in Chattanooga. She is renting a 3 bedroom house on almost 3 acres with outside storage buildings, hardwood floors throughout and many other perks for $50.00 less a month than what we pay here. And the deposit is $100 less than the month's rent. So if your granny has a better offer, give her my number.
It has been time after time in our recent past that God has intervened in ways like this. He has proven Himself time and time again despite the fact he has nothing to prove. He has answered the questions of our heart and mind. Most of all He has answered the most frequently asked question, whether spoken or not, of those who follow Him. "Can we ever really follow Him with our whole heart and really ever resign all our cares and trust in Him?" the answer was written down before the foundation of the world, but in 2011 it has been settled once and for all with me. Yes. If we live surrendered to Him and focus wholly on His Kingdom then no other thought or concern should ever enter our mind. No other issues exist outside of a Kingdom focus. No need can't be met through Kingdom focus. None of life's questions are unanswered in Kingdom focus. Do troubles still exist? On every hand, yes. Do needs still overcome? All around us, yes. Do questions still cloud the mind? Around every corner, yes. The difference is in a REAL Kingdom focus, these issues are never our concern. When we truly focus on Him and His Kingdom we focus wholly on His ability and His Word that says He is the God of all _____ (fill in the blank.)
This is, as Paul called it, a "daily" process. It's tough to go from selfish human nature placed in a selfish depraved society to a selfless focus on His divine, inspired Word and Kingdom. Well, when you put it that way, I guess it shouldn't be that hard. But the truth is you and I ought to lift each other up daily and pray that our focus will be His Kingdom. Because if I understand His Scripture and the Commands from His lips to His people and in turn claim to believe those commands, then we ought to weep over the fact that the majority of us and our "churches" have never been further away from what it's really all about. I'll pray for you. Please, pray for me.
This was typed at 3:30am on my iPhone. So now that I have sufficient Carpal Tunnel, it's time for bed. I hope this helped someone. I know it did me. I just hope others learn it the easy way, not the foolish and sad way I had too.
Until He Comes, "Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will Be Done."
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